Private Blog of Robert Gollwitzer. Politics, religion, family matters and more.
|Posted on May 8, 2020 at 4:40 PM|
Yesterday German Parliament approved of an "anti-conversion therapy law". Christian and Social Democrats and the Liberals voted in favor of it. The Left, the Green Party and the right-wing AfD abstained. Only one (!) of the AfD had the guts to oppose.
This law will probably come into effect mid-2020. "Medical interventions" aimed to change or suppress self-perceived identity are forbidden when it comes to minors. They may only be applied to adults with their free consent. Acting against that law may lead to jail time (up to one year) or a fincancial fine.
Also public publicity for conversion therapies (in case of minars also non-public), offering such activities or mediating conversion therapies will then be outlawed. Excluded are pastoral care or psychotherapeutic conversations dealing with the life situation of the client, religious commandments or conversations on dealing with one's sexual orientation.
When discussing this law in Parliament, all political parties opposed of conversion therapies - "where there is no disease, there is no need for therapy".
Such therapies allegedly cause physical and mental damage like depression or suicidal thoughts. Conversion therapies are said to focus on the therapist's views and not the well-being of the client.
Only the AfD-member Robby Schlund pointed out that there is no legal security for therapists treating clients who have problems with finding their sexual identity.
All political parties, all churches and the vast majority of the public have fallen for gay propaganda - without even thinking twice.
This law has no groundings whatsoever. Apart from (maybe!) some individuals there is no substantial "threat" of conversion therapies. This alleged "danger" seems to be a pretext for something much more hidden: Silencing all opposition to gay ideology. Yes, gays will claim now religious views are not part of that law and neither is pastoral care, but the threat of punishment is real - and will have lasting effects.
Why? Take outlawing "publicity for conversion therapies". What is that supposed to mean? If I give testimony in front of a church congregation sharing how a Christian organization helped me find freedom from same-sex attractions, does this already count as "publicity"? Even if it doesn't - the mere threat will be enough to shut most people up.
Many among us have lived for years in the gay scene. We made our experiences. Based on that, we can say that during that time many of our beloved gay friends died or fell mentally or physically ill also due to their many sex contacts (no, a condom does not protect you against all STDs!) and/or the drugs that went along to get a greater kick out of it.
Here in Germany we have the "Robert Koch Institut" that tracks the number of people with STDs and the high percentage of MSM (men who have sex with men) among them.
Many are sick or have even died due to their gay life - and yet you claim conversion therapies cause physical or mental damage or suicides? Taske suicides: This is a complicated problem with many contributing factors. To say one factor only is to blame means using a tragedy to further your personal political agenda.
Here we touch another topic: Science obviously has stopped being objective and become a target for political activism. What cannot be, must not be. Using commonplaces like "no disease/no therapy" shows how little understanding some seem to have. Using terms like "disease", "therapy", "natural", "normal" without going deeper into their definition only shows you use them for propaganda purposes.
Is there change? Many factors take part when it comes to the development of human sexuality. A good part of it still is not reasearched yet. Let's only look at some:
Genes: to say that one gene causes someone to "be gay" and for that reason it is "normal", "natural" and "morally right" is not science. Epigenetics tells us it is the environment which decides which genes are activated, which are deactivated and which genes or changes thereof will maybe even formed anew. Aside, to add moral statements to scientific foundings is inacceptable.
We are not slaves of a genetic code either and will not fall sick or die of we choose not to live out our same-sex attractions.
Same-sex parent: How come so many people with same-sex attractions (especially men) had problems in building a bond with their same-sex parent? In many cases this parent was either emotionally not accessible or not there altogether - leading to the inability of identifying with ones own sex (through the mediation of the same-sex parent). Later in life with upcoming puberty we are attracted by what we perceive as being "other". If we were unable to find our way to our own sex, we will be attracted by what we see as "other" - in case of men that means other, mostly "masculine" men that are supposed to fulfill our need for identity.
Early exposure: If you expose youth with sexual "alternatives" all the time telling them how great that is, they will most likely try them out. As their sexual development is not finished yet, that could lead to a totally different life!
So what, some may object. Well, that does not matter if you buy gay propaganda that gay sex and gay relationships are like any other heterosexual one.
No, they are not. Based on our experiences we can say that the average gay sex is a lot (!) more extreme that the average heterosexual one and that gay relationships are a lot less lasting than heterosexual ones and often include other sex partners. Oftentimes the same-sex partner is obviously subconsciously abused of in order to fulfill ones social, emotional or sexual needs - hereby becoming exchangeable.
When it comes to sex practices among gay men, almost everything seems to go according to our experience. It can be very violent including S/M practices, even fecies and physically and mentally damaging things. No, not every homosexual act is like that, but certainly much more than in heterosexual relationships. A lasting relationship needs two strong and stable partners who stand firm and know their place in life and their identity. Many of us made the experience that in gay relationships one part (mostly unvoluntarily) becomes the dominant one and the other one clings to him in a sometimes emotionally dependent way.
We had enough and turned to the Church for help. Unfortunately, in many cases there was none. Quite on the contrary - we were told to "live it out".
Now many among us used sex to numb past hurts or unmet legitimate needs. To tell us to "just go for it" is very bad theology and psychology. It does not help at all.
Luckily we found people that did help us. Unlike gay activists are saying, none of us had negative physical or mental consequences for choosing another lif than the gay one. For many of us it meant that our lives became a lot better in many areas. We do not suppress our same-sex feelings, we use our sexual energies in much more creative ways now!
We want to be able to find the therapy with the goal we (!) choose! We want to help our children in other ways than the gay activists suggest!
You are telling us that if a man (even a boy?) says he is a woman trapped in a man's body he may get surgery and medication - hereby breaking the hippocratic oath by physically mutilating a healthy body - you call that acceptable therapy? Like that you treat inner problems by cutting off something or adding to the body?? But if a boy says he has same-sex and heterosexual feelings and rather wants to live out his heterosexual ones and needs therapeutic help for that, this is allegedly damaging and bad for the boy? You claim that there is no set sex, but a "gender" that everyone can define and change according to his/her preferences?
We made the experience (and some scientists seem to back that) that there is some fluidity in human sexuality. Taken the above example, we cannot understand how science seem to be forbidden in that area.
We have never offered therapy and never will. We offer pastoral care and Christian counseling.
However, we hold on to our Christian faith and are shocked to see how few "people of God" still seem to have the courage to do that. Some seem to rather want to change clear biblical statements so they fit their own views instead of letting the Bible change them.
Yet in all we trust in God and will continue to do so.
Munich, May 8th 2020,
|Posted on May 4, 2020 at 1:35 PM|
Kardinal Marx erlässt ein Dekret in München und öffnet die Türen dafür, dass weniger Gläubige in mehr Gottesdienste gehen können - indem die Priester nun zweimal werktäglich und dreimal sonntäglich die Heilige Messe feiern dürfen. Und was tut mein Ortspfarrer? Er verlängert die Sperrfrist bis zum 17. Mai. Bis dahin gibt es nichts - auch wenn es ihm seit heute erlaubt wäre, wieder Messen zu feiern. In seiner Begründung jammert er über "zahlreiche Schutz- und Vorsichtsmaßnahmen", die zu beachten wären und den damit verbundenen organisatorischen Aufwand. All dies würde "das liturgische Geschehen dominieren". Außerdem würde es "Risikogruppen" in den Gottesdiensten geben (zu der er sich nach einer Lungenerkrankung selbst zählt). In den nächsten zwei Wochen will er "alternative liturgische Form unter Einhaltung der Vorgaben" entwickeln. Fragt sich, was er dann in der letzten Zeit gemacht hat und warum er die nicht schon längst umgesetzt hat.
Wenn er sich als Pfarrer gesundheitlich nicht in der Lage sieht, eine Gemeinde zu leiten, soll und muss er zurücktreten - mit sofortiger Wirkung. Eine solch erbärmliche und jämmerliche Begründung zu liefern, haben wir aber nicht verdient. Eine solche Kirche hat es verdient, dass sie im Nirgendwo verschwindet.
Ich bin selbst Katholik und erwarte von einem Hirten, dass er in Krisenzeiten wie ein Fels in der Brandung steht, damit sich die Schäfchen um ihn sammeln und bei ihm Schutz und Führung finden können.
Eine "Schönwetter-Pfarrei" zur spirituellen Unterhaltung in gefahrlosen Zeiten braucht nun wirklich kein Mensch. Das kann die Welt da draußen besser.
|Posted on May 3, 2020 at 1:40 PM|
Offener Brief an die Kirche Präambel: Inmitten der "Corona-Krise" wende ich mich aus tiefstem Herzen und mit großer Sorge an die Kirche (insbesondere die Katholische Kirche, es dürften sich aber Parallelen in anderen christlichen Glaubensgemeinschaften finden). Hier vor allem an die Hirten - die Bischöfe und Priester, aber auch an jede und jeden einzelnen Gläubige/n. Wir alle sind gerufen - und nur wenige von uns haben geantwortet. In einer Zeit großer Not und Sorge, in der es traditionell selbstverständlich und wesensgemäß war, dass die Vertreter und Verantwortlichen der Katholischen Kirche ohne Rücksicht auf eine Verluste oder Gefahr den Gläubigen zur Seite standen, war die Kirche nunmehr (beinahe) nicht-existent. Keine Gottesdienste, keine Heiligen Messen und auch sonst wurde alles abgesagt. Laden zu. Wir haben fertig. In unverantwortlicher Art und Weise hat man sich der Staatsmacht mehr unterworfen, als diese gefordert hat. Anstatt die Sakramentenspendung kreativ zu gestalten, sodass diese auch weiterhin möglich ist, gab es einfach nichts. Nicht einmal juristisch hat man sich gegen unverhältnismäßige und völlig überzogene Maßnahmen zur Wehr gesetzt. Der für alle Christen geltende Missionsauftrag besteht darin, dass wir hinaus (!!) gehen, Menschen taufen und sie zu Jüngern Jesu Christi machen. Unsere Priester verkrochen sich bestenfalls in ihre Pfarrbüros. Wenn überhaupt. Das Gehalt kommt ja weiterhin aufs Konto, also warum zu viel Aufhebens machen? Einige wenige haben noch die Messe gefeiert und im Internet übertragen. Na immerhin. Anstatt die Heilige Messe alleine zu feiern (nun nicht mehr mit den Gläubigen, sondern für sie!), gehe ich mal davon aus, dass 99 % der Pfarrer eben gar keine Messe gefeiert haben. Das sagt schon einiges über ihr Glaubensverständnis aus... Keine Kontaktaufnahme mit den Gläubigen (ja, es gibt Telefon, E-Mail - oder auch den persönlichen Besuch mit Mindestabstand!), keine Organisation von Hilfsmaßnahmen (von Ausnahmen mal abgesehen), kein Tragen der Monstranz auf die Straßen, keine Beichte (mit Abstand...), keine Kontaktaufnahme mit Kranken oder Sterbenden (meiner Kenntnis nach) - nichts. Ich habe kürzlich einen Bericht vom "Sündenviertel" St. Pauli in Hamburg gesehen. Tiefbewegt durfte ich beobachten, wie dort Privatmenschen dafür sorgten, dass die Armen und Obdachlosen täglich etwas zu essen und trinken hatten! Die Gläubigen haben ihrerseits nun die Erfahrung gemacht, dass sie auch ohne die Kirche ganz gut zurecht kommen. Sie gingen durch eine schwere Zeit - und sie gingen alleine. Diejenigen, die es überstanden haben, werden sich nun möglicherweise überlegen, wofür sie denn eigentlich die Kirche noch brauchen. Gerade als gläubiger Katholik kann ich es ihnen noch nicht mal verdenken. Manchmal schießt es mir selbst durch den Kopf: "So eine Kirche braucht kein Mensch!" Wie nahe war Mutter Kirche in meiner Kindheit den Menschen gestanden! Wie viele verdanken ihr Trost, aufopfernde Pflege, Seelsorge - und manch einer gar sein Leben! Diese Kirche vermisse ich so sehr, dass es mir beinahe körperlich weh tut. Nein, an der jetzigen Situation sind nicht nur die Priester und Bischöfe schuld. Wir alle haben unseren Teil dazu beigetragen. An uns allen liegt es nun, das Ruder herumzureißen. "Ich kenne deine Taten. Du bist weder kalt noch heiß. Wärest du doch kalt oder heiß! Daher, weil du lau bist, weder heiß noch kalt, will ich dich aus meinem Mund ausspeien." Offenbarung 3,15-16 Einheitsübersetzung 2016 München im Mai 2020 Robert Gollwitzer www.katholisch-leben.org
|Posted on March 22, 2020 at 5:30 AM|
Ich habe eben kurz in die Predigt eines katholischen Priesters reingehört. Zunächst wollte ich gleich wieder abschalten. Die üblichen theologischen Versatzstücke à la "Wir müssen Jesus einladen" oder "Jesus will mit uns ein Stück des Weges gehen" - ihr kennt das. Phrasen, die beliebig austauschbar sind und irgendwie überall - und nirgends - passen. Trotzdem zwang ich mich, zuzuhören. Als er dann aber darauf kam, dass manche Menschen hinter dem Coronavirus Gott sehen, schaltete ich um. Ich denke mal, da kam das Übliche - dass Gott sowas nicht tut etc.
Was ich davon halte? Natürlich muss Gott nicht hinter dem Virus stehen - ich schließe es aber auch nicht aus. Er hat schon Schlimmeres getan bzw. zugelassen. Schuld war damals nicht Er, sondern die Sündhaftigkeit der Menschen.
Solche Predigten, solche Priester und eine solche Kirche, die all dies verleugnet und einen Gott verkündet, mit dem alle leben können und von dem niemand etwas hat (geschweige denn spirituell genährt wird), sind für mich schlimmer als der Atheismus.
Letzterer leugnet wenigstens gleich die Existenz Gottes. Jene gehen (zumindest auf dem Papier) von dessen Gegenwart aus, reden diese aber derart klein, dass eine Nicht-Existenz noch die bessere Wahl gewesen wäre.
Es macht keinen Unterschied, ob eine derart weich gespülte Kirche existiert oder nicht. Sie verkündet nichts anderes als das, was der Rest der Welt ebenso (wenn auch mit anderer Wortwahl) verkündet.
Gott sei Dank gibt es da aber weit unter der Oberfläche noch die wahre Kirche, von der Jesus uns versprach, sie würde bis zu Seinem Wiederkommen nie untergehen...
|Posted on January 22, 2020 at 1:55 PM|
Wie kommt es, dass Schwule, die selbst regelmäßig schnell dabei sind, Respekt für sich und ihre Lebensweise einzufordern (wobei sie "Respekt" mit "Akzeptanz" gleichsetzen), gleichzeitig kein Problem damit haben, "Tunten" zu diskriminieren. Als "Tunte" wird dabei jeder gesehen, der in ihren Augen irgendwie weiblich wirkt (natürlich nicht sie selbst, obwohl das oft genug der Fall sein dürfte). Sie meinen, wenn sie sich die Haare kurz scheren, einen Bart wachsen lassen, Jeans und ein Holzfällerhemd tragen sowie sich einen Bauch wachsen lassen, sind sie "männlich". Das ist eine Karikatur von Männlichkeit! Ein Mann muss nicht in Armee-Klamotten oder Lederjacken herumlaufen, damit andere ihn als solchen sehen! Das ist ja das Drama: so manch einer der oben genannten dürfte ein Problem mit der eigenen (männlichen) Identität haben und meint nun, diese zu bekommen, indem er wenigsten so aussieht wie ein Mann (oder was er davon hält). Wenn ich nicht weiß, was einen Mann ausmacht, wenn ich Männlichkeit für mich nicht definieren kann, dann hilft mir auch das Holzfällerhemd nicht. Wenn ich es aber weiß, dann ich ich mich äußerlich geben, wie ich will - ich bin und bleibe doch ein Mann, der weiß, worauf es ankommt!
|Posted on January 5, 2020 at 8:45 AM|
Ich komme aus der Oberpfalz und bin noch sehr traditionell aufgewachsen. Wenn ein Mann und eine Frau dort heirateten, blieben sie ein Leben lang zusammen. Ihnen war klar, dass "Liebe" nicht nur ein Gefühl ist, das kommt und geht, sondern ein Bund fürs Leben. Wenn Schwierigkeiten aufkamen, hat man eben gelernt, sie zu meistern. Konflikte wurden beigelegt. Was auch immer geschah - die Familie ließ man nie im Stich. Darauf konnten sich der Partner bzw. die Partnerin und die Kinder verlassen - und das nicht nur aus finanziellen Gründen. Im Laufe der Jahrzehnte haben diese Ehepaare das aufgebaut, was man wahre, selbstlose Liebe nennt. Sie zu sehen war und ist herzerweichend. Auch nach dem Tod des Einen hat der/die andere nicht mehr geheiratet. Ein besseres Beispiel konnten sie ihren Kindern nicht geben.
Heute verlassen sich die Leute auf ihre Gefühle. Es geht immer um einen selbst. Ich, ich, ich. Ich will dies, ich will das, ich fühle mich hier und dort nicht gut, ich brauche dieses und jenes... Passt einem die Nase des Anderen nicht mehr oder hat man was "Besseres" gefunden, zieht man/frau weiter. Schließlich will mensch ja "glücklich" sein (wieder so ein flüchtiges Gefühl). Dabei bleibt nicht nur der/die zurückbleibende Partner/in auf der Strecke, sondern auch das eigene Herz. Wahre Liebe wird man so nie finden.
Ein Drama für alle Beteiligten.
Aber damit stehe ich wohl allein auf weiter Flur. Dennoch bin ich der festen Überzeugung, dass eine Zerstörung des traditionellen Familienbildes zu dem Chaos geführt hat, in dem wir heute leben und dass nur eine Rückkehr dorthin das Ganze wieder ins Lot bringt.
|Posted on January 4, 2020 at 8:15 AM|
Viele Menschen leiden unter Burnout. Sie sollen jede erdenkliche Hilfe erfahren. Interessant wird es jedoch, wenn es um Menschen geht, die (bewusst oder unbewusst) einen primären oder sekundären Krankheitsgewinn aus ihrer - vorgegebenen - Erkrankung ziehen. In anderen Worten: Menschen, die gelernt haben, dass sie keine Verantwortung übernehmen müssen, dass für sie gesorgt wird, dass sie Aufmerksamkeit und Mitgefühl erhalten und dass sie nicht in die Arbeit gehen müssen, wenn sie eine psychische oder körperliche Erkrankung haben. Derartiges zu erkennen ist oft nicht leicht und ich frage mich, wieviele Therapeuten dabei mit vergebenen Therapieversuchen verschleißt werden (da der Patient ja nicht gesund werden will!). Manchmal dürfte der Grund tief in der Psyche zu suchen sein (etwa aus Konditionierungen in der Kindheit), der Patient also ein Fall für die Psychoanalyse sein. In jedem Fall aber wird er/sie höchstwahrscheinlich den Krankenkassen und der Wirtschaft eine Menge Geld kosten...
Therapie? Jahrelange Psychoanalyse mit unsicherem Ausgang, da den Betroffenen für gewöhnlich jegliche Einsicht und jedes Krankheitsbewusstsein fehlt. Alternative? Eigentlich nicht. Zumindest nicht psychotherapeutisch korrekt: Tritt in den Hintern, weg mit jeglicher Unterstützung und ab in die Arbeit! (nicht unbedingt immer meine Meinung, aber manchmal eventuell hilfreich...)
|Posted on January 4, 2020 at 8:15 AM|
Quite a number of gay people I know failed miserably in their lives - in Christian but also in worldly standards. Count me in - at least during my gay years. They then oftentimes try to explain that away and to make it look like something good by using moral relativism. Like every good/bad politician they apply their own (usually just invented) standards and consciously or unconsciously zoom out a good part of reality so their lives still look like something to them and - at least they believe - the world.
The problem with that: deep inside they know that's crap. That's one of the reasons their self-worth sometimes is so low. And it does not really help the mental disorders either some of them have if you avoid to face reality.
Examples: Failure in the professional life, overspending and/or financial disaster, many broken partnerships, even broken heterosexual families they once had, broken promises, people they hurt and left behind, broken moral values (even their own!), being developmentally stuck in puberty in some areas of their lives, and many more.
Just take one: Some had heterosexual families before. They broke their marriage vows among others by secretely having same-sex partners. The marriage usually ends at some point and the kids suffer. That is being explained away by saying they can now finally be who they truly are and nonsense like that. A broken family is a broken family and there is no good reason for that. Sometimes they even take the kids to live with them and their new same-sex partner. You really think you are giving your children a good example like that? That they will ever be able to raise a healthy family themselves if this is what they get to see? The sad part about it: society even applauds them for leaving everything behind.
Some live with their same-sex partner after that. They claim all is good and all are "happy". They even take care of him/her when he is sick and handicapped - not without tapping themselves on the shoulders and letting others know how good they really are. Then they start having other sex partners aside and even leave that old one behind. Of course, there are good reasons for that as well and they refuse all offers for help and deny all options for a solution. It is too much for me, it is all the other guy's fault, and - you might guess it already - "I don't love him anymore and I just want to be happy". How many people do you have to hurt to "be happy"?
Others hide behind diseases or disorders as they found out that gives them a good excuse not to assume responsibility and instead do what they want to do without having a bad conscience and without getting a bad reputation.
Some might want to point out examples now where things are differently. Are they really or just on the surfacee? Based on what standards?
I have spent many years in the gay scene and I have seen many people go down. Lots of them are no more, others are physically sick or mentally ill, financially broke or stand in front of their shattered lives - alone and embittered. Yet they will still tell me they are "happy".
No, you are not.
|Posted on January 4, 2020 at 5:35 AM|
Here some of my own experiences over the decades regarding gay relationships:
It sounds so very tempting at first - you can finallly be the "true you", you will marry your sam-sex partner or at least live forever with Prince Charming, you will be ever so happy with him because of that, you might even have kids - short: you will modell the perfect heterosexual family and society will and has to accept that as perfectly normal.
Is it? Not at all. At least according to my own experience.
As you will notice by going through the brief description I just gave you, there is a lot of "you" in it. And this is basically what a gay relationship is all about: Me, myself and I. Yes, gay couples will strongly deny it. Yes, some take care of their sick partner. But, I still stick with that general rule. And the heteros are catching up.
The foundation for gay relationship is a mixture of political correctness, psychotherpeutic correctness, moral relativism, misguided attempts to satisfy legitimate emotional, social and other needs or to numb past and undealt hurt. Gay relationships are a quick fix for all of the above yet will never heal or truly satisfy.
First, it is all about "being happy" and "being the true you". Sounds great, right? Well, only if you don't think deeper and only at first glance. The whole drama of gay relationships (and many of their heterosexual counterparts) unfolds with the mistaken notion of happiness and love. Gays (and many straight people) mistake that as feelings. And as all feelings they come and go. For Christians, true happiness comes with and by following Jesus Christ through our thoughts, words and deeds by following His commandments. For Christians, love is a decision of the will. A feeling comes and goes. A contract is an exchange of property (or other) rights on the other person. Christian love, however, is a life-giving covenant where the man gives himself (!) to the woman. They become so much one (flesh) that you have to give the one a name nine months after. This reflects the life-giving way Christ gave Himself to the Church. Man, woman, and the child as the bond of love between them - like Father, Son and the Holy Spirit as the bond their love. If you see it that way, you will notice that no other union but a life-long covenant between man and woman will ever be able to be the same. You will also notice that there is no way you can ever dissolve such a covenant and start a new one.
Yes, some of us are not made for marriage with a partner for the opposite sex. This does in no way mean you will have a lonely and miserable life while denying yourself. Actually, Jesus commanded us to deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily. You can - and must! - then give your life fully to God and your neighbor. THIS is your true self. You are a beloved child of God and only through that you can draw your self-worth from and only as such you will ever find true happiness.
Christians that fall sometimes try to justify that to others and to themselves by putting together some sort of theology that allows them to keep on doing what they don't want to stop. Not only that, they also call others who hang on to the traditional version as "haters", "fundamentalists", "radicals", "nazis" - and much more. This is nothing but a pathetic attempt of excusing your own failures by throwing mud at others.
Yes, it is all about love - Christian love, not the distorted human version of it.
We are already deeply stuck in the swamp of moral relativism - the understanding that there are no absolute moral standards, but that everyone can adapt them to his or her own needs and wants. Even aside the faith part this is the downfall for every society. If there is no common understanding anymore of what is good, truthful, normal and right, if everyone can change that, then society will go down very soon. Even laws are founded on a common understanding of what is just and right. Without that you won't have civil or moral laws and you won't have a functioning society. Needless to say there certainly will be no "love" and no "happiness" anymore either.
Moral relativism justifies pretty much everything. I have been there too. You can justify and glorify "patchwork families" (actually, a patchwork blanket originally is a blanket made of old and torn rugs. That is in no way a good thing), you can justify leaving your partner and family (whatever that is then), you can justify having other partners at the side or together with your partner - you can justify almost everything. The things you cannot justify yet will soon follow as there will be no grounds for them to be illegal.
Of course, people always want and need a reason for their evil deeds to make them look good. Again - I don't want to point the finger only at others. I have been there as well. This is when oftentimes psychotherapeutic correctness comes in. Examples: "I need to be alone and have my freedom" (while in fact there is no mental disorder that forces you to leave your partner). "Maybe at some later point I feel strong and healthy enough to look out for someone again" (in my eyes, this is pure degradation of humans and total lack of responsability towards others. You take and drop them according to your present feelings and already announce to the one you just left there will be another one after him). "I could not deny myself anymore" or "I need to be like I was born to" (usually applied when gay men leave the straight family they founded, i.e. their wives and kids. We are all born sinners, yet this is no justification for Christians to sin. You won't get physically or mentally sick when you stay on God's path). It even becomes worse when they drag their own children into the relationship with their gay partner to live with them. What example do you think you are giving to your kids? You really believe this is the best for them? Or do you just want to soothe your nagging conscience? Ever thought about those you are leaving behind? How many people do you have to hurt and leave behind in order to "be happy"?
Since when have cowardice and lack of character and moral values, lack of stress and frustration tolerance and lack of the ability to withstand and control your impulses become new moral absolutes?
In the gay relationships I experienced and saw there seemed to have been a lot of self-centeredness, egoism and a very pubertarian way of dealing with your love life.
It seemed to be always about me. How I am happy (or better: how I FEEL happy), how I find my personal freedom, how I satisfy my needs, how I live out what is inside of me and how I really am, how I can be "free"... This is not love. You are most likely stuck on a very early developmental stage then.
The partners in a gay relationship are according to my experience (almost) exchangeable. Yes, gays will deny that, but deep inside they know that they oftentimes use their partners only to satisfy their sexual, emotional, social, relational and whatever else needs. I am absolutely sure that with the development of artificial intelligence we will soon have machines that are "perfectly human" and that do exactly what you want them to do. The ultimate dream for many (if not most) gays. And yes, the straight ones are catching up.
Sometimes gays also give scientifically-sounding arguments to justify their need for a same-sex partner. Like "I was born that way and I cannot deny myself else I develop a mental disorder". What nonsense. First, so far no gene has ever been found that "makes you gay". Even if there ever will be such a gene, it is epigenetics (that is the environment and your own thinking and behavior) that decides if and to what extent a gene will be activated or new ones will be grown or exiting ones altered (!!). You are not a slave of your genetic code (what an image of humanity that would be) and your genetic code certainly is no grounds for calling something "right" or "normal". Think of the absurd consequences of you'd apply that logic to other forms of behavior!
Some gay couples also adopt children or take their own ones into their relationship. I dare to doubt the motivation behind that - at least according to my experiences. Do those couples really want the best for those kids or do they want to knock off one of their own wishes from the list? Like modelling the "perfect" hetero families. I am not doubting that many honestly want to love those children, but I do claim as a Christian man that a life-long heterosexual marriage based on the traditional Christian teaching of what a family should be like is the best environment for children - and for the spouses. Some gays come up with arguments like "It is better for children to grow up in a loving gay relationship than in a disfunctional straight one". That is comparing apples to pears. You take the best from one side and compare it to the worst of the other. Mere propaganda. And do show me the gay couple that prefers children from a disfunctional family to children of a happy one.
The gay relationships I was in usually brought out the worst in me - the "fruit of the flesh", as Christians would call it. From those I was with I had the impression it was not much different.
So what kind of "love" is that if it brings out the worst? It is by their fruit that you will recognize them is what Jesus told us.
Finally, going to the extremes when it comes to sex seems to be much more normal in gay relationships than it straight ones. You think that's fun and you can and should do it as "you don't hurt anybody" and "it's not forbidden"? What immature way of looking at it. You might find yourself pretty soon in a sex addiction - and trust me, this is not funny at all. It is very degrading. Gay relationships also seem to be much less monogamous and last much shorter than their heterosexual counterparts (yes, the difference is sadly diminishing here as well). This is no "fun" and certainly not "gay" either. Many gays I met claimed to be happy but made a deeply sad and lonely impression on me - in spite of being in a same-sex relationship.
To cut a long story short: I very much warn you - do not yield to the temptation to enter into a same-sex relationship! If you are in one, get out as fast as possible - as if the devil was behind you (pun intended)!
I found true happiness and love only in those times when I stayed on the right path - God's path.
|Posted on January 4, 2020 at 5:35 AM|
I left the gay scene in 2004. In all those years ever since I slipped once. Am I a failure because of that? Certainly not. Most of us are Christians. Yet we keep on sinning. Does that make sinning better? Not really. Does it mean I am all fake and in fact a gay man that only denies his true self? Wrong again. This is propaganda and wanna-be psychology.
Here the lessons I drew after I returned to the right path:
Be brutal. Eliminate all triggers. Get rid of everything and everybody that tempts you to fall. No excuse. Just do it.
Have an accountability partner.
Confess your sins.
Find out why you did it. What emotional or other need did you try to fulfill by that? What hurt did you seek to numb?
Trust me in one thing: You will certainly not find there what you are looking for. The gay scene has changed since I left. What was extreme yet accepted back then is pretty much normal now. Yes, some are married - either to someone of the same or the opposite sex. That does not prevent them from looking out for other sex partners - with or without the consent of their spouse. Some seem to be addicted to sex. The sexual experiences they seek get wilder with every sex act for them to get the same high. I was very sad to see what they are doing to themselves and to others - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I'd say a good number of them realizes something is wrong. They complain that gays are only out for sex. That the person itself is exchangeable. Yet it does not lead to consequences - they keep on seeking love at the wrong places.
From my own experience I can tell you that most - if not all - gay men I met are unable to build solid relationships. Oftentimes they just use their partner to fulfill their own sexual, emotional, social and whatever else needs. In many cases I had the impression that the partners were not at the same level, but that one had a dominant position and the other was emotionally dependent. I can't really say I have ever found a single gay couple were I would acknowledge that it was even remotely compareable to a straight one. They just were not.
Be honest. Sin always seek darkness. It is no shame to fall. Yet it is one to try to hide it, to try to excuse it or to even build up a theology that allows you to keep on doing what you don't want to stop.
Even in those days when you fell: never break up with God. Stay in contact. Don't stop praying. He will listen and answer. Maybe not in the way you expect Him to, but He will.
Satan ususally wraps everything in gold, else none of us would ever fail. Everyone of us can fall. No exception. Never think that you won't - that is the foot that satan will have to your heart then. He will use it to get in one way or the other. Even if you don't fall sexually, there are other ways to sin.
Yes, some things seem tempting - and I am not just talking sex. The man you meet might be ever so nice. A good and wonderful person that cares a lot for others. That might be so, but starting a relationship with him will neither give you nor him what both of you were looking for. On the contrary, it will destroy it.
Never measure an ex-gay walk by the number of sexual falls you had - or by the lack thereof. As I said - there are other ways to sin, and all of us are guilty of that. Pride (as gays boast themselves of so many times in their parades) is the root of all evil.
Don't be too hard on yourself. You fell - now get back up on your feet and use the fall to learn from it and pass on your lessons.
After I fell I thought why, I have seen the gay life now (again). And there is no way I ever want to go back there. It is just not worth it. On the other hand, I have something that is worth so much more: following Jesus Christ.
I will keep on using my sexual energy another way: to let my gifts and talents grow.
One last thing: Jesus did not call us to found religious clubs, to sit in houses and wait for poor sinners (of course not ourselves) to knock on the doors. He commanded us to go out and make disciples. In my walk among gay people I saw that none of them had ever heard of ex-gays. As to the Christian faith, their views were usually filtered through gay propaganda. Why? Because we made a living out of touring in Christian circles and preaching to the choir. Of telling those who already shared our opinion about our walk. Of selling them our books and charging them for our talks. However, those who need us most are still alone.
I will also stop to only think sex when I think of my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. They are more than that. Yes, there are many wonderful people among them and I feel blessed, honored and thankful that God allowed me to get to know them.
All of that will equip me better from now on to reach out to all (!) people with same-sex attractions. Because I love them like Jesus does. I will not just tell them that it's wrong to life the gay life because the Bible says so but I will share the fullness of our faith with them through my words and deeds, not just by quoting Bible verses along with my personal interpretation of them.
Why? Because I love them. My heart goes out to them. God is love - and so should we be.